Reading Between the Lines: National Enquirer Jan.14 2013

Incomplete, but I just wanted to get it out there. I may add the images at a later date.

Seinfeld's Shocking Suicide Confession:

"Confessing that he fights an offstage 'tendency toward depression,' Seinfeld said in a recent interview: 'If it wasn't for my kids, I'm pretty much done with living. I could kill myself. Now, there's something else to live for.'"

 "He also implied that 'romantic dissatisfaction' was something that used to depress him."

 "...Pals wonder whether he's still pining for his ex-flame Shoshanna Lonstein, who was an 18-year-old high school graduate when she started dating Seinfeld, then 39. The two dated for four years before his workaholic ways reportedly led to a breakup."

"'The interview Jerry gave wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement for his marriage to Jessica [Sklar, with whom he has a daughter and two sons], although it's clear he certainly loves his kids and being a dad," a friend told The Enquirer. 'It's also clear he still hasn't found real happiness and remains somewhat depressed. Pals believe he really never got over his bustup with Shoshanna and wonder if he would be happier today if they had been able to make it work.'" -Barry Levine

Taylor Swift Being Used By Scheming boy-bander Harry:

"The country cutie...is being used by the HANDLERS of her latest lover, One Direction singer Harry Styles, say sources."

"...sources say her match with Harry was orchestrated by his publicists to cast even more light on the handsome teen pop idol. 'Little does Taylor know that Harry's HANDLERS went to great lengths to put the two together because she's such a huge star.' said an insider. 'Anytime Taylor starts dating a new guy she gets a flurry of media attention, and her breakups receive even more.'"

"'After one of Taylor's relationships sours, it's almost a sure bet she'll write a song about it and there will be even more waves of publicity. That's why her romance with Harry was arranged by his HANDLERS.'"

"'When his advisers saw the potential for a blooming relationship, they began doing everything they could to push the two closer together.' said the insider. 'It took some time because Taylor began to date Conor Kennedy, but they didn't give up and saw to it that Harry was waiting for her with open arms when she broke up with him. Now they're just waiting for the relationship to take its course and reap the publicity benefits of a breakup.'"

Jen Aniston Wedding Blowup:

"'...Things went horribly awry when Justin [Theroux] suddenly turned introspective,' divulged the source. 'He started to pick apart their life together and their plans for raising a family around Jen's booming career.'"

"That prompted [Jen]-who's often intimidated by screenwriter/actor Justin's intellectual side-to point out that she felt Justin overthought things and could benefit from being more spontaneous, continued the source. 'After that, their conversation deteriorated into a shouting match,' the source said. 'Justin accused Jen of living the shallow life of a Hollywood screen queen. Jen responded by saying Justin had no feel for her inner self and called him a pseudo-intellectual who didn't know the meaning of the word fun. Then she burst into tears and huffed off.'"

"'Justin worries that he and Jen are not on the same intellectual plane and often complains that he feels smothered by her Hollywood fame.' revealed the source 'He misses his artist and musician friends in New York City and has said many times that he'd love to move back there.'"

"'Justin feels as if he's Jen's prop to prove to the world she's finally found love,' explained the source. 'He feels that on some level their relationship is almost a sham.'"

"'After a couple hours, they each realized how foolish the fight was,' said the source. 'They both apologized and repledged their undying devotion.'" [they did not say to whom they pledge undying devotion to!]

Gossip with Mike Walker:

"...Stop wondering why Brad Pitt's new flick 'Killing Them Softly' bombed: His own reps say it's all his fault, reports an insider! They're telling the star that his insistence on letting his facial wrinkles show is killing his career-because fans are shocked by the loss of his boyish good looks. Trouble started with the 49-year-old's much ballyhooed Chanel No.5 ad campaign featuring huge posters showing him looking weathered and aged-all because he refused to allow any photo retouching. Brad's HANDLERS even begged him to let the movie makers use a soft focus lens that would smooth his wrinkles, but Brad told them he wants to keep it real, saying: 'I've accepted the way I look and both you and my fans better accept it as well. I'm getting older-and the lines on my face aren't going anywhere.'" [good for you, Brad!]

"...mere moments after Hurricane Rihanna blasted into the ladies shoe department of Saks Fifth Avenue, nearly 100 pairs of expensive kicks-and dozens of shoe boxes-lay scattered all over the floor! Huffing and puffing like an ill wind, Rihanna ran salespeople ragged, snapping her fingers and ordering designer shoes at such a lightening pace it took three frazzled clerks to wait on her, says a source. Upper-crusty customers suddenly started complaining loudly that they couldn't get service, but that didn't faze the 'sole' singer-who demanded even more service until she'd made her final choices."

"Justin Bieber's shockingly morphed from sweet, considerate boy to total monster, reports a longtime co-worker, who admits the teen throb's suddenly become 'a big-headed, self-absorbed pain in the ass! The difference between Justin from our last tour and this current one is like night and day. Justin used to be kind and considerate; now he never misses an opportunity to belittle everyone around him. He calls them *mere peons* and refers to himself as *a megastar.*' Citing an example of baby-faced Bieb's outrageous ego, one source recalled the stinging criticism he leveled at some professional back-up dancers after a rehearsal. 'He told them what they were doing *wrong*-and then actually said, *if Michael Jackson was alive to see me dance, we would agree I'm easily as good as he was.* The only straight face in the room after that crack was Bieber's!'"

See the difference? I already knew he's turned into a dick!

"Angelina Jolie usually keeps her good works quiet, but here's one I'd like to report: When the star learned one of her longtime wardrobe women had been diagnosed with breast cancer, is too ill to work, and snowed under by medical bills, Jolie whipped out her checkbook and (1) promised to cover her living expenses, (2) guaranteed she'll have her job back whenever she's able to work again, and (3) even if the star isn't working on a movie at that time, she'll find her work on some other project pronto! Said an insider: 'The woman was so touched by Angie's kindness, she told pals she just wished everyone could know what a good person she is.' (And now they do, lady!)"

"Jon Stewart just proved he's either overflowing with Yuletide spirit, or actually is that no-nonsense, level-headed guy he portrays on TV! Waiting in a loooong line outside Toys'R'Us in Manhattan right before Christmas, the funnyman actually turned down VIP treatment by refusing to cut the line.