Reading Between the Lines - In Touch

This was one of the (super old) articles I was working on, but I just want to get it up because it's doubtful I'll ever finish it. It doesn't help Blogger never wants to save or publish it, so we'll see if this works

These are from an old issue-wasn't able to access the internet for a while an finally managed to upload the pics to picasa the other day. It was a time consuming process.

Is Madonna's time up? On the surface, it appears they're discussing if she should stop making music (I personally think "Yes!"), however the phrasing also sounds like they're considering off-ing her. They clarify it by stating "Madonna will perform at the Super Bowl, but at 53, is it time for her to retire?" Again-yes, please-and it has nothing to do with her age, merely the fact that she makes nothing but garbage and has for far too long! But every famous female singer seems to credit her as being an "inspiration", so that will never happen. If she retired, she'd be back in a couple years making more music. Just like every other singer or rapper that's retired since 2000. Retirement is a cash-grab for the famous.

Every magazine seems to feel the need to do this crap. Other than the celebs featured, does anybody actually give a shit who wore what better? To me, this seems another form of Twinning.

Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini and tube sipping on a drink, Claire Danes surrounded by drag queens (to me, the drag queens look fake and not like actual trannies. Real transgendered folk want to blend in-unless they're the Vegas showgirl or RuPaul type-and the majority pass extremely well. The two with Claire look like guys who dressed as women for Halloween) Also, what's with them throwing a teddy bear into the air? Finally, we have Anderson Cooper presenting Drew Barrymore with an apron that says Bride. She stated "Oh God, no! I lack that gene!" seeing as she was newly engaged at the time, we are left to assume she meant cooking. 

Liev Shreiber's little ones with their heads poking above a provocative cut-out, the girl with her hands pulling down her tu-tu-too-short skirt...what ballerina wears garters with her tutu? The male was drawn with lack of proportion, the hands far too long and the fingers on the right hand spread into a sort-of V, while the left hand dangles as if he wants to smack his thigh or crotch. Tori Spelling rides a pink scooter-with what appear to be training wheels on the back of it, her shirt matches, while her husband Dean McDermott looks as though he's coaching her...much the way he would teach their children how to ride a bike. Shenene Grimes (whoever that is) strikes a pose, subtley showing off her red heels. Tina Fey also strikes a pose, with a giant Hulk fist, appearing to punch herself in the head.

Apologies for the flash on the bottom two pictures. As I've said in previous posts, I use my digital camera to take photos and I don't have a scanner. Anyways, most children want to go to Disneyland and would be all smiles while on the rides, however little Suri is only smiling on the teacups. Tom stated "She's my fountain of youth! She's so funny and sweet!" Fountain of Youth, eh? Hmm. 

Disneyland is known to be a breeding ground of evil that claims to be the happiest place on Earth, while in reality it is a place of conditioning. Disney itself is evil. (The Club 33 image was obviously not from In Touch.)

Keeping the MK programming in mind, it's rather telling with Tom wearing black and white stripes, and little Suri wearing not only the mouse ears-but also a bridal veil. In the photo where she's riding the carousel, it appears as though Tom is looking at her crotch through his sunglasses. He may not have been. Regardless, it's weird how Suri's daddy bought her a mouse ear bridal veil.

Nicole Scherzinger-formerly of the Pussycat Dolls-posing with a hand over her lady parts, some Emmy Rossum (I have no idea who she is) acting shocked that the dog is drinking her coffee, lesbian Ellen Degeneres helping Mario Lopez strip and proudly display his man-bulge to promote his Rated M line of underwear.

Matthew Broderick referencing Ferris Bueller for a Honda Super Bowl ad, Paula Deen stuffing her face while the magazine mocks her diabetic diet

Katherine Heigl removing her jacket (with brown and black checkerboard cuffs) in an odd fashion, revealing a red dress with a weird red strap across the chest, and making a subtle Masonic M with her fingers on her hip underneath her clutch. 

In Touch now making fun of celebrities: comparing J.Bieb's' sloppy look to baseball uniforms, Kelly Osbourne's silver dye job, Bjork wearing what looks like a blanket-jacket with no pants, and Whitney Port losing her bikini top in the water.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey arguing over their daughter calling Halle's beau, Olivier Martinez, "pere". In Touch wrote: "'Nahla knows Olivier isn't her dad, but he treats her like his own and she worships him.' an insider tells In Touch. The affectionate nickname comes at a rough time for Gabriel-he and Halle are facing off in court over allegations that he pushed Nahla's nanny."

Rihanna got a tattoo spelling out THUG LIFE across her fingers, Tim Gunn (again, I don't know who that is) claims he hasn't had sex in 29 years and that he's a perfectly happy, fulfilled individual. Kristen Wiig is dating Drew Barrymore's ex, Fabrizio Moretti who is the drummer for The Strokes.

An article about some contestants from The Bachelor. They claim the girl in the racy photos is an insecure attention-whore who needs constant reassurance that she's hot (which is supposedly why she does-or did- some modelling shoots), and that blond Samantha is allegedly a party girl.

For quite some time, magazines speculated that Will and Jada Smith were having marriage problems but that they put on a happy front for both their childrens and publicity's sake. (If they're truly so concerned about their childrens sake, then what is up with THIS? For some reason, no matter how I alter things, links appear as regular text. Please click the "THIS" above)

LeAnn Rimes doesn't want to become pregnant, although Eddie Cibrian supposedly wants to have a baby with her. She is fearful of losing her figure, as Eddie allegedly likes his women rail-thin. It's believable, because around the time she became involved with him, she lost a drastic amount of weight. 

Rihanna drunk, Rihanna high, and discussion on Rihanna's lovesick obsession with her ex, Chris Brown, who beat the crap out of her. 

"Lady Gaga's boyfriend of six months, Taylor Kinney, has told her to check her alter ego at the door when she's with him. 'Gaga started living and breathing her character 24/7 because she felt her fans wanted that.' dishes a source. Too bad Tyler, 30 [the magazine spells his name Taylor first, then Tyler], didn't. While he held his tongue at first, he's now comfortable enough with Gaga, 25, to make it clear that he has no desire to live with a stage act. Luckily for him, the singer promised to be "more human"-after all, she wasn't born that way!" In the photo, she is dressed as a witch swinging over her "Monsters".

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds supposedly arguing over his still-close relationship with his ex-wife.

There have been articles in the past speculating that Shiloh is too much of a tomboy. Photographs and comments from the parents do indicate a very gender-confused child, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did grow up to be the next Chaz Bono. This article is carrying on about Shiloh's haircut.

Drew Barrymore converting to Judaism.

Kristin Cavallari wants to have a baby.

   

Reading Between the Lines: People January 30 2012

Drew looks like she knows a secret

She does: the truth behind "twinning"

Oh Alyson Hanigan :(

It disturbs me just how Used To the paparazzi Suri is. She's going to be worse than Paris Hilton

A new Royal puppy? Do people actually care about this stuff?

Gwen has evil eyes 

Steve Carell: In my wildest dreams I never thought-well, I never thought I'd work. [What did he really want to say?]

Sofia Vergara: Accents are funny. It sets me apart from the other girls doing comedy.

Cloontang: I got it (SAG card) from Riptide. It was fantastic. Are you kidding? It was a great moment of my life because I was lying about being in SAG for a year at that point.

Kyra Sedgwick: I love actors. I love everything they do and who they are. [That sounds rather programmed and shallow! Or evil and scary!]

Michelle Williams: I won't let myself shrink away from a challenge. While my mind is saying "retreat, retreat, retreat!" my heart is already there... [Very telling! She's received much attention as of late for her portrayal of Marilyn Monroe]

Leonardo DiCaprio: The best thing about acting is that I get to lose myself in another character and actually get paid for it... [Another telling statement]

Viola Davis: I am not gonna tell you what I did to pay for the SAG card, because I didn't make enough in the movie to pay for it! [She kinda just did tell us!] 

Lost vapid stare

"It wasn't a suicide attempt...it was a mismatch of chemicals that freaked everyone out. She has a problem with alcohol." Why is it called the Los Robles Hospital and Medical Centre?

Literally leaning on her man, looking like a doll

“For those close to Heather Locklear, the news was not unexpected: …’Everybody knew she was in trouble. …She’s so insecure, she’s obsessed with her looks. …she seemed to be spiraling out of control’ since splitting from Jack Wagner [fall 2011], who had just proposed in August. ‘She was desperate to hold onto him.’ During their relationship, Wagner  tried to keep a handle on her issues… …’Once she started dating Jack, he didn’t want people around her that contributed to [her drinking], but he assumed everyone around her was like that.’ Over time ‘she seemed disconnected, she ended up with not many people to lean on.’ “

Katy with newly blue hair

Power of three, eh?

More twinning!

Conditioning ad

Bruno Mars says nothing. He answers questions, but it's all fluff. I'm more interested in how he's surrounded by yellow ads.

An evening of public conditioning, with Cloontang. Lots of black and white surrounding her as Stacy Kiebler is initiated from minor celebrity to A-list material as George's arm candy.

A red dress to symbolize rebirth?

NObody drinks pop like this!

Damn near every pair of eyes in these magazines are the same: soulless, lifeless, lost, dolls, or dark, witchy, and corrupt

The young girl in fronts frozen smile and blank eyes sadden me

Am I the only one reminded of Madonna's Evita phase with this photo?

“…After the plane crash that killed the couple on July 16, 1999, [JFK Jr’s assistant, Rosemary] Terenzio felt as if she might never heal. ‘It  took me years to feel that the best part of my life wasn’t behind me,’ she tells PEOPLE’s Liz McNeil. ‘I had to find my identity again.’ Now 44 and ready to tell her story, and theirs, in Fairy Tale Interrupted, excerpted here, she recall’s John and Carolyn’s…relationship….revealing for the first time that Carolyn almost didn’t  board the plane for that fateful flight…’John [F. Kennedy Jr] was more than a mannequin of good looks and privilege; Carolyn [Bessette] was not this uptight, cold and guarded person.’ …Carolyn quickly became a fairy god-mother and confidante to RoseMarie, dispensing advice on men and taking her shopping. ‘Nothing feels better than new clothes,’ she’d say. ‘That and vodka are your new best friends.’

Carolyn and I both lived in John’s unique world. I was often the only person who could relate ’I know this is kind of sad, but there’s no one else I can talk to,’ she said one night, having fled to my studio after an argument with John. John’s insensitivity was the biggest catalyst of their arguments. Carolyn would decline invitations because John said he was coming home for dinner. So she would wait while he worked late and went to the gym, then waltz into the apartment way past dinnertime. Carolyn was not only angry, but also worried about him. Another classic scenario was when he would spring information on her, such as ‘I’m bringing home a friend for dinner…right now.’ It wasn’t mean-spiritedness. He was simply as disorganized and clueless as a kid. …Whenever [Carolyn] went out – to get coffee, walk the dog, or meet a friend – [the paparazzi] were there, pushing in close and shouting things like ‘whore’ and ‘bitch.’ If they could break her perfect exterior, it would be an instant story: “Carolyn on Verge of Nervous Breakdown’ or  ‘Problems at Home.’ Carolyn retreated into herself. Unfortunately John didn’t understand.

By the summer of ’99, the marriage was under intense strain. Carolyn said she wasn’t going to attend the July 17 wedding of John’s cousin Rory. ‘She’s determined to stay home,’ John told RoseMarie. ‘I’m not going to fight with her about it.’ RoseMarie tried to change her mind. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ I said ‘What are you doing?’  ‘I’m not a priority,’ she said ‘It’s always something else. [John’s magazine] George.  Somebody getting fired. A trip to meet advertisers.’  ‘I know. But now is not the time to take a stand. His whole family’s going to be at this wedding.’  ‘I just want some normal married time,’ she said. ‘I’m exhausted.’  ‘Listen. You don’t want to put yourself in a position of being judged,’ I said ‘You get enough of that.’  ‘I don’t have anything to wear.’  ‘Go get a dress, and I’ll get you a car to the airport.’ …John was flying his plane to Massachusetts and dropping Carolyn’s sister Lauren off on Martha’s Vineyard before continuing on with Carolyn to Hyannis. Shortly before 10pm, John’s plane crashed off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard, killing all three passengers.   …I thought about my last conversation with Carolyn and how I’d told her to get on the plane. Oh God. Heartbroken, RoseMarie helped John’s sister Caroline plan the funeral. We bonded over how much John would have hated the hoopla over his death. ‘Don’t you feel like he’s going to get angry at us for letting this whole thing get so out of control?’ Caroline said in a sentiment shockingly close to my own.

 …John’s death was all I thought about for the first few years. Life with John and Carolyn was wonderful but all-consuming. They were the center of my life, and once they were gone, I had to fill that place myself. I often wonder what John would have thought of this or that new event or headline. Standing in front of a mirror, I sometimes ask myself, ‘Would Carolyn be caught dead in this?’…”

The Johnny Depp article is nothing really of interest, until the last couple paragraphs. “On the set of the fourth Pirates in Hawaii in 2010, he was often spotted drinking wine at local bars like Honolulu nightspot Apartment3: ‘He would chat with girls and was very friendly and flirty,’ says a source. After Paradis and the kids arrived later that summer, Depp was seen spending low-key time with his family at his rental home. 

On the Puerto Rico set of The Rum Diary in 2009, ‘the girls loved him,’ says actor Carlos Alberto Lopez. Partying at the local Parrot Club to celebrate his 46^th birthday one evening, ‘he was just having fun,’ says owner Emilio Figueroa. ‘He was drinking red wine, mojitos, and taking photos with girls, and many guys. He didn’t say no to anyone.’ …’They are both very attached to their children and could work things out,’ says a source who knows them well. “But they have both changed-a lot.’”

Alright so Paula Deen’s coming out with that she’s developed type 2 diabetes…I feel this was formulated all along. Get her fans hooked on insanely unhealthy food  (a burger topped with a fried egg and bacon with two Krispy Kreme donuts as buns?? Are you kidding me?!), many would develop the diabetes but Paula would have it too (oh, of course! Otherwise fans would turn on her!) but it’s all good cuz she’s hawking this Victoza diabetes drug…and her sons are cashing in, too, by offering healthier versions of their moms dishes. It’s too convenient! BTW: She has the eyes of a dead doll on the magazine cover.

Black and white cat

Gary Oldman is hailed as a British chameleon. On his character George Smiley in Tinker Tailors: “He’s like an owl, with eyes and ears that pick up everything.” He says acting comes in handy with his younger sons Gulliver, 14, and Charlie, 12. “When I really mean business, I use what I call my Henry V voice- the one that reaches the gods of the Old Vic. It’s very effective.”

Again with the yellow!

Kate Hudson admits Somewhere Over the Rainbow and You’ve Got a Friend are her household lullabies.

The first black fighter pilots don’t seem to get as much credit as they should have. It lists their names, position they held, age, and little else. In front of the flag, top row from left: Theobald Wilson, 89, parachute rigger; Wilfred Dufour, 93, technical support; Rev.Milton Holmes, 85, trainer;  Roscoe C Brown Jr, 89, pilot; Otis Foreman, 84, photographer; Eugene Richardson, 85, pilot; Charles McGee, 92, pilot; Floyd Carter, 88, pilot; Charles Lewis, 90, communications. Bottom row: Nancy Colon, 91, nurse; Dabney Montgomery, 88, supply staff; Shade Lee, 90, communications chief; Arthurine Carter, 86, aircraft repair; Roscoe Draper, 92, flight instructor; Henry L. Moore, 90, maintenance; Alton Burton, 88, bombardier; Samuel Henderson, 90, mechanic; Joseph Spooner, 91, armament. “1. First Black Pilots: ‘White pilots trained at different bases.’ Says Roscoe Brown (above, right, in 1945 with fellow airman working on plane, and in group picture, top row, fourth from left). ‘We were trying to be outstanding pilots, and we were dealing with segregation and racism. 2.Trailblazer: Shade Lee (in 1994, and in group picture bottom row, third from left) who helped write rules for integrating the military, remains bitter about his experiences with racism in the military. ‘I did,’ he said, ‘what I had to do. We all did.’ 3. Dangerous Skies: On their famous Berlin mission in March 1945, Brown (on left with two fellow airmen) shot down a Nazi aircraft. ‘When I landed in Italy,’ says Brown, ‘there wasn’t any gas. Another five minutes in the air-I wouldn’t have made it.’”

Sam Worthington One Last Thing…there really isn’t anything noteworthy about it, except that he comes across as a totally regular dude. But he has a reptilian stare. “Last thing I bought for my home: A George Foreman grill. I’m far from a master chef, so I think this thing is great. I cook some steaks and chili eggs, but the chili is squeezed out of a tube. Last time I was recognized: It was Halloween at the Universal CityWalk. This guy walked past and just started laughing at me. He asked if I was in costume as ‘that guy from Avatar.’ I said no. I don’t think he believed me. Last thing I stole: A magazine out of the back of an airplane seat. I like that one where you can buy all the weird stuff. I always want to buy something, but I’m too scared to get the ceramic Bigfoot. Last time I cursed: Five seconds ago. I have a dirty gutter mouth and I have to try and stop it! Last thing I returned: Solar powered lamps. They took forever and were just totally useless, so I took them back to Costco and got a voucher.” Since when does chili come in a tube?


Coming soon: Reading Between The Lines with In Touch featuring headlines about brainwashing and forced sex!