Reading Between the Lines - In Touch

This was one of the (super old) articles I was working on, but I just want to get it up because it's doubtful I'll ever finish it. It doesn't help Blogger never wants to save or publish it, so we'll see if this works

These are from an old issue-wasn't able to access the internet for a while an finally managed to upload the pics to picasa the other day. It was a time consuming process.

Is Madonna's time up? On the surface, it appears they're discussing if she should stop making music (I personally think "Yes!"), however the phrasing also sounds like they're considering off-ing her. They clarify it by stating "Madonna will perform at the Super Bowl, but at 53, is it time for her to retire?" Again-yes, please-and it has nothing to do with her age, merely the fact that she makes nothing but garbage and has for far too long! But every famous female singer seems to credit her as being an "inspiration", so that will never happen. If she retired, she'd be back in a couple years making more music. Just like every other singer or rapper that's retired since 2000. Retirement is a cash-grab for the famous.

Every magazine seems to feel the need to do this crap. Other than the celebs featured, does anybody actually give a shit who wore what better? To me, this seems another form of Twinning.

Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini and tube sipping on a drink, Claire Danes surrounded by drag queens (to me, the drag queens look fake and not like actual trannies. Real transgendered folk want to blend in-unless they're the Vegas showgirl or RuPaul type-and the majority pass extremely well. The two with Claire look like guys who dressed as women for Halloween) Also, what's with them throwing a teddy bear into the air? Finally, we have Anderson Cooper presenting Drew Barrymore with an apron that says Bride. She stated "Oh God, no! I lack that gene!" seeing as she was newly engaged at the time, we are left to assume she meant cooking. 

Liev Shreiber's little ones with their heads poking above a provocative cut-out, the girl with her hands pulling down her tu-tu-too-short skirt...what ballerina wears garters with her tutu? The male was drawn with lack of proportion, the hands far too long and the fingers on the right hand spread into a sort-of V, while the left hand dangles as if he wants to smack his thigh or crotch. Tori Spelling rides a pink scooter-with what appear to be training wheels on the back of it, her shirt matches, while her husband Dean McDermott looks as though he's coaching her...much the way he would teach their children how to ride a bike. Shenene Grimes (whoever that is) strikes a pose, subtley showing off her red heels. Tina Fey also strikes a pose, with a giant Hulk fist, appearing to punch herself in the head.

Apologies for the flash on the bottom two pictures. As I've said in previous posts, I use my digital camera to take photos and I don't have a scanner. Anyways, most children want to go to Disneyland and would be all smiles while on the rides, however little Suri is only smiling on the teacups. Tom stated "She's my fountain of youth! She's so funny and sweet!" Fountain of Youth, eh? Hmm. 

Disneyland is known to be a breeding ground of evil that claims to be the happiest place on Earth, while in reality it is a place of conditioning. Disney itself is evil. (The Club 33 image was obviously not from In Touch.)

Keeping the MK programming in mind, it's rather telling with Tom wearing black and white stripes, and little Suri wearing not only the mouse ears-but also a bridal veil. In the photo where she's riding the carousel, it appears as though Tom is looking at her crotch through his sunglasses. He may not have been. Regardless, it's weird how Suri's daddy bought her a mouse ear bridal veil.

Nicole Scherzinger-formerly of the Pussycat Dolls-posing with a hand over her lady parts, some Emmy Rossum (I have no idea who she is) acting shocked that the dog is drinking her coffee, lesbian Ellen Degeneres helping Mario Lopez strip and proudly display his man-bulge to promote his Rated M line of underwear.

Matthew Broderick referencing Ferris Bueller for a Honda Super Bowl ad, Paula Deen stuffing her face while the magazine mocks her diabetic diet

Katherine Heigl removing her jacket (with brown and black checkerboard cuffs) in an odd fashion, revealing a red dress with a weird red strap across the chest, and making a subtle Masonic M with her fingers on her hip underneath her clutch. 

In Touch now making fun of celebrities: comparing J.Bieb's' sloppy look to baseball uniforms, Kelly Osbourne's silver dye job, Bjork wearing what looks like a blanket-jacket with no pants, and Whitney Port losing her bikini top in the water.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey arguing over their daughter calling Halle's beau, Olivier Martinez, "pere". In Touch wrote: "'Nahla knows Olivier isn't her dad, but he treats her like his own and she worships him.' an insider tells In Touch. The affectionate nickname comes at a rough time for Gabriel-he and Halle are facing off in court over allegations that he pushed Nahla's nanny."

Rihanna got a tattoo spelling out THUG LIFE across her fingers, Tim Gunn (again, I don't know who that is) claims he hasn't had sex in 29 years and that he's a perfectly happy, fulfilled individual. Kristen Wiig is dating Drew Barrymore's ex, Fabrizio Moretti who is the drummer for The Strokes.

An article about some contestants from The Bachelor. They claim the girl in the racy photos is an insecure attention-whore who needs constant reassurance that she's hot (which is supposedly why she does-or did- some modelling shoots), and that blond Samantha is allegedly a party girl.

For quite some time, magazines speculated that Will and Jada Smith were having marriage problems but that they put on a happy front for both their childrens and publicity's sake. (If they're truly so concerned about their childrens sake, then what is up with THIS? For some reason, no matter how I alter things, links appear as regular text. Please click the "THIS" above)

LeAnn Rimes doesn't want to become pregnant, although Eddie Cibrian supposedly wants to have a baby with her. She is fearful of losing her figure, as Eddie allegedly likes his women rail-thin. It's believable, because around the time she became involved with him, she lost a drastic amount of weight. 

Rihanna drunk, Rihanna high, and discussion on Rihanna's lovesick obsession with her ex, Chris Brown, who beat the crap out of her. 

"Lady Gaga's boyfriend of six months, Taylor Kinney, has told her to check her alter ego at the door when she's with him. 'Gaga started living and breathing her character 24/7 because she felt her fans wanted that.' dishes a source. Too bad Tyler, 30 [the magazine spells his name Taylor first, then Tyler], didn't. While he held his tongue at first, he's now comfortable enough with Gaga, 25, to make it clear that he has no desire to live with a stage act. Luckily for him, the singer promised to be "more human"-after all, she wasn't born that way!" In the photo, she is dressed as a witch swinging over her "Monsters".

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds supposedly arguing over his still-close relationship with his ex-wife.

There have been articles in the past speculating that Shiloh is too much of a tomboy. Photographs and comments from the parents do indicate a very gender-confused child, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did grow up to be the next Chaz Bono. This article is carrying on about Shiloh's haircut.

Drew Barrymore converting to Judaism.

Kristin Cavallari wants to have a baby.