Reading Between the Lines - In Touch

This was one of the (super old) articles I was working on, but I just want to get it up because it's doubtful I'll ever finish it. It doesn't help Blogger never wants to save or publish it, so we'll see if this works

These are from an old issue-wasn't able to access the internet for a while an finally managed to upload the pics to picasa the other day. It was a time consuming process.

Is Madonna's time up? On the surface, it appears they're discussing if she should stop making music (I personally think "Yes!"), however the phrasing also sounds like they're considering off-ing her. They clarify it by stating "Madonna will perform at the Super Bowl, but at 53, is it time for her to retire?" Again-yes, please-and it has nothing to do with her age, merely the fact that she makes nothing but garbage and has for far too long! But every famous female singer seems to credit her as being an "inspiration", so that will never happen. If she retired, she'd be back in a couple years making more music. Just like every other singer or rapper that's retired since 2000. Retirement is a cash-grab for the famous.

Every magazine seems to feel the need to do this crap. Other than the celebs featured, does anybody actually give a shit who wore what better? To me, this seems another form of Twinning.

Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini and tube sipping on a drink, Claire Danes surrounded by drag queens (to me, the drag queens look fake and not like actual trannies. Real transgendered folk want to blend in-unless they're the Vegas showgirl or RuPaul type-and the majority pass extremely well. The two with Claire look like guys who dressed as women for Halloween) Also, what's with them throwing a teddy bear into the air? Finally, we have Anderson Cooper presenting Drew Barrymore with an apron that says Bride. She stated "Oh God, no! I lack that gene!" seeing as she was newly engaged at the time, we are left to assume she meant cooking. 

Liev Shreiber's little ones with their heads poking above a provocative cut-out, the girl with her hands pulling down her tu-tu-too-short skirt...what ballerina wears garters with her tutu? The male was drawn with lack of proportion, the hands far too long and the fingers on the right hand spread into a sort-of V, while the left hand dangles as if he wants to smack his thigh or crotch. Tori Spelling rides a pink scooter-with what appear to be training wheels on the back of it, her shirt matches, while her husband Dean McDermott looks as though he's coaching her...much the way he would teach their children how to ride a bike. Shenene Grimes (whoever that is) strikes a pose, subtley showing off her red heels. Tina Fey also strikes a pose, with a giant Hulk fist, appearing to punch herself in the head.

Apologies for the flash on the bottom two pictures. As I've said in previous posts, I use my digital camera to take photos and I don't have a scanner. Anyways, most children want to go to Disneyland and would be all smiles while on the rides, however little Suri is only smiling on the teacups. Tom stated "She's my fountain of youth! She's so funny and sweet!" Fountain of Youth, eh? Hmm. 

Disneyland is known to be a breeding ground of evil that claims to be the happiest place on Earth, while in reality it is a place of conditioning. Disney itself is evil. (The Club 33 image was obviously not from In Touch.)

Keeping the MK programming in mind, it's rather telling with Tom wearing black and white stripes, and little Suri wearing not only the mouse ears-but also a bridal veil. In the photo where she's riding the carousel, it appears as though Tom is looking at her crotch through his sunglasses. He may not have been. Regardless, it's weird how Suri's daddy bought her a mouse ear bridal veil.

Nicole Scherzinger-formerly of the Pussycat Dolls-posing with a hand over her lady parts, some Emmy Rossum (I have no idea who she is) acting shocked that the dog is drinking her coffee, lesbian Ellen Degeneres helping Mario Lopez strip and proudly display his man-bulge to promote his Rated M line of underwear.

Matthew Broderick referencing Ferris Bueller for a Honda Super Bowl ad, Paula Deen stuffing her face while the magazine mocks her diabetic diet

Katherine Heigl removing her jacket (with brown and black checkerboard cuffs) in an odd fashion, revealing a red dress with a weird red strap across the chest, and making a subtle Masonic M with her fingers on her hip underneath her clutch. 

In Touch now making fun of celebrities: comparing J.Bieb's' sloppy look to baseball uniforms, Kelly Osbourne's silver dye job, Bjork wearing what looks like a blanket-jacket with no pants, and Whitney Port losing her bikini top in the water.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey arguing over their daughter calling Halle's beau, Olivier Martinez, "pere". In Touch wrote: "'Nahla knows Olivier isn't her dad, but he treats her like his own and she worships him.' an insider tells In Touch. The affectionate nickname comes at a rough time for Gabriel-he and Halle are facing off in court over allegations that he pushed Nahla's nanny."

Rihanna got a tattoo spelling out THUG LIFE across her fingers, Tim Gunn (again, I don't know who that is) claims he hasn't had sex in 29 years and that he's a perfectly happy, fulfilled individual. Kristen Wiig is dating Drew Barrymore's ex, Fabrizio Moretti who is the drummer for The Strokes.

An article about some contestants from The Bachelor. They claim the girl in the racy photos is an insecure attention-whore who needs constant reassurance that she's hot (which is supposedly why she does-or did- some modelling shoots), and that blond Samantha is allegedly a party girl.

For quite some time, magazines speculated that Will and Jada Smith were having marriage problems but that they put on a happy front for both their childrens and publicity's sake. (If they're truly so concerned about their childrens sake, then what is up with THIS? For some reason, no matter how I alter things, links appear as regular text. Please click the "THIS" above)

LeAnn Rimes doesn't want to become pregnant, although Eddie Cibrian supposedly wants to have a baby with her. She is fearful of losing her figure, as Eddie allegedly likes his women rail-thin. It's believable, because around the time she became involved with him, she lost a drastic amount of weight. 

Rihanna drunk, Rihanna high, and discussion on Rihanna's lovesick obsession with her ex, Chris Brown, who beat the crap out of her. 

"Lady Gaga's boyfriend of six months, Taylor Kinney, has told her to check her alter ego at the door when she's with him. 'Gaga started living and breathing her character 24/7 because she felt her fans wanted that.' dishes a source. Too bad Tyler, 30 [the magazine spells his name Taylor first, then Tyler], didn't. While he held his tongue at first, he's now comfortable enough with Gaga, 25, to make it clear that he has no desire to live with a stage act. Luckily for him, the singer promised to be "more human"-after all, she wasn't born that way!" In the photo, she is dressed as a witch swinging over her "Monsters".

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds supposedly arguing over his still-close relationship with his ex-wife.

There have been articles in the past speculating that Shiloh is too much of a tomboy. Photographs and comments from the parents do indicate a very gender-confused child, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did grow up to be the next Chaz Bono. This article is carrying on about Shiloh's haircut.

Drew Barrymore converting to Judaism.

Kristin Cavallari wants to have a baby.

   

Reading Between the Lines: Star January 23 2012

Star Shots Moments of the Week:  Making a Splash “Even the busiest man in Hollywood needs a break! After ringing in 2012 on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, Ryan Seacrest whisked lady love Julianne Hough off on a sun-filled getaway to St.Barts. When they weren’t lounging aboard their luxurious yacht, the pair enjoyed romantic walks on the beach, Jet Ski rides and lots of time splashing in the surf. Julianne - who will next be seen in the movie-musical adaptation of Rock of Ages – channeled her inner child as she dove into the crystal-clear waters. Ryan, meantime, has been hitting the headlines as many speculate over whether  the American Idol  host will renew his contract. Because of rumors that he may leave to take a gig on the Today  show , Ryan recently said he has “a deal with NBC Universal…in negotiations,” but kept mum about the details. Seacrest, out?  Stay tuned.”

[Julianne looks nothing like she used to. It appears she’s had some unnecessary work done, as I feel she was much prettier a couple years ago, imo]

More Star Shots

Zebra Striped Stars for Snooki

Kim can't tear her gaze away from a leopard

Battle of the B&W stripes

Lil' Wayne rockin' animal print (yes, I'm aware I have a zebra carpet in these pics! My room proves what I'm a product of.)

“Friends of Owen Wilson say the funnyman’s recent boozy binge is no laughing matter. The Wedding Crashers star – who split from girlfriend and baby mama Jade Duell just six months ago – was spotted partying up a storm over the holidays in St.Barts. ‘Owen’s depressed over the breakup, and…he drank his way through the holidays,’ a pal tells Star. ‘That lifesyile is a slippery slope for him. It’s difficult for him to keep it at a few drinks.’ Many worry that he may spiral into a dangerous mental state – as he did in 2007 when he attempted suicide by overdosing on pills and slitting his wrists. ‘He’s partying to numb his emotional pain,’ the source explains. ‘Owen said he feels like a failure for not keeping the family unit with Jade and [1-year-old son] Robert.’

“Following her split from hubby Russell Brand, Katy Perry’s parents are praying for her. ‘God, we lift up our family and let you forgive them,’ they told Ohio churchgoers on Jan.5. ‘Let us pray for our families to go to Heaven to be saved.’”

J.Bieb's flashing the devil horns, in fishnet, and embraced by a V

“Ryan Cabrera’s hard-partying ways have landed him in the hospital. ‘His drug and alcohol abuse got so bad that he had to have eight inches of his colon removed,’ a pal tells Star of the ‘On the Way Down’ singer’s Dec.28 surgery. And now friends fear for his life. ‘We’re worried he’ll overdose,’ says the pal. Ryan’s problems are nothing new. ‘It’s been going on for years,’ the friend reveals. Back in 2007, Ryan, now 29, was spotted ‘partying and looking like a total mess,’ an eyewitness says. ‘I even spotted him sniffing a white powdery substance off the sink in the men’s room.’”

“With so many women vying for Ben Flajnik’s attention on The Bachelor, the gals know they have to be quick-witted and fast on their feet. That shouldn’t be a problem for contestant Casey Shteamer, if her  July 2004 encounter with rocker Gavin DeGraw and his band is any indication. Kansas native Casey was nearly 19 when she and two gal pals were invited onto Gavin’s tourbus at 2am after a concert. ‘We all talked with him, and his bandmates were there,’ Casey wrote in her public diary on xanga.com. ‘Then [one of Casey’s friends] and Gavin went in the back together…I was left in this freezing cold bus at 3:30 in the morning, stuck talking to, like, 30-year-old men that were trying to hit on me.’ So Casey bolted, grabbing her pals keys, and headed out to their car to sleep. However: ‘some creepy guy followed me outside, and I started walking really fast,’ she wrote. ‘He was like “Why r u running away from me?” I just smiled and went faster.’ She woke up at 6am – just in time to see the bus pull away with her two friends still on it! Casey later picked them up after ‘they were dropped off in the middle of the highway.’ She added: ‘Now I get to go to work on an hour and a half of sleep. Fun.’"

“After two devastating failed marriages, Halle Berry vowed, ‘I am not going to do it again,’ during an early 2011 interview. But now, sources tell Star, the single mom can’t wait to trade ‘I do’s – and become a parent again – with French hunk Olivier Martinez, who secretly popped the question six months ago! ‘Halle is very serious about this marriage,’ says an insider. ‘She’s ready.’ Adds another source: ‘Olivier has become her rock.’  Still, Halle was warned against falling for Olivier, 46 – he’s infamous for loving and leaving the likes of Mira Sorvino and Kylie Minogue – when they filmed the thriller Dark Tide in the summer of 2010. ‘His friends are shocked that he is getting married,’ the insider says of Olivier, who has never even been engaged. ‘But he’s changed his ways.’ It’s particularly important to Halle that he’s devoted himself to Nahla, 3, her daughter with ex Gabriel Aubry. ‘Halle feels Olivier has made a connection and a commitment to her and her daughter,’ says the source. And the couple hope to give Nahla a sibling. ‘Halle would love to have more kids, but  she knows it might be difficult because of her age and the fact that she’s diabetic,’ says the insider. ‘If they can’t conceive, they’d definitely consider adoption.’ But first,  the wedding, which will likely be a large, joyous affair held in California’s wine country early this summer, according to insiders. ‘Deciding to marry again is huge for Halle,’ says the source. ‘But friends have never seen her this happy and fulfilled.” NOTICE THE EMERALD RING ON HER FINGER? That's supposedly their engagement ring. They claim it's her favorite gem.

An ad for a new show, Scorned, supposedly based off "true stories of love turned lethal"

“….Vanessa [Hudgens] was gushing about how in love [she and boyfriend Austin Butler] are. She said she knows it’s kind of early, but that Austin’s going to move in within the next few weeks…She bought this huge place when she was still with Zac Efron and said it’s felt really empty since they split.”

“Zac had been trying to win back Vanessa, but she’s moved on. At first [Zac Efron and Rumer Willis] socialize[d] in groups, then Rumer started going over to Zac’s L.A house. She’d decorate and make the place really home – then she began spending the night, and they’re acting like a couple. Zac told Rumer he’s developing strong feelings for her.”

“...Johnny, whos played guitar in rock bands since his teens, was absent when Vanessa took the kids out on Jan.2 to buy [son] Jack a guitar of his own. ’They’ve had a strange relationship, often spending weeks apart,’ an insider tells Star. ‘Now I think Johnny’s absences are more serious. His friends think he’s going through some sort of mini midlife crisis.’…As they reach a breaking point, friends worry that –who’s admitted to going through ‘so many years where I medicated myself’ – could be falling back on self-destructive bad habits. ‘He’s been drinking more over his unhappiness with his and Vanessa’s situation,’ says the source…’His behavior is starting to raise some red flags.’

“…[Jay-Z] and Beyonce, 30, weren’t taking any chances when baby Blue entered the world. The singer checked into Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City on Jan.6 using the name of real-life pal Ingrid Jackson. After the natural birth, in an ultraprivate sixth-floor suite, Beyonce and Blue – who debuted at 7lbs – were whisked off to the facilities fourth floor. The new parents reportedly spent $1.3 million renting the entire space and redecorating it… …’It was like she was gaining and losing the bump throughout the pregnancy. No wonder people were whispering that it was all a conspiracy.’”

“…The terms of Jennelle [Evans]’s ongoing probation prohibit her from ‘knowingly associating with any person or previously convicted users, possessors, or sellers of any illegal drugs,’ which Gary [Head] is. Jennelle was already arrested back in August for hanging with her ex-boyfriend Kiefer Delp, also a known drug user, and jail could be a very real possibility this time too…”

“…’She hated having to whip out her credit card every time they go to dinner. And it bummed her out that he had to borrow money from het to buy Christmas presents – including hers. So Jen figured it’s easier to give Casper a weekly stipend, and she thought $10k was a nice round number.’ … It was recently revealed that Casper – who was sentenced on Jan.3 to a years probation and a $500 fine for speeding – go-go dances for a mere $250 a night at L.A club Boulevard3. Says the source ‘Casper’s just a young dude who spends what little money he has on clothes and flashy jewelry.’  Now that he’s in the lap of money and dating a Hollywood A-lister, Casper is learning how to live like a star. ‘It’s a whole new world for him,’…”

“Robert never believed that Khloe was his biological daughter because Kris cheated on him during the time Khloe, 27, was conceived… …he and Kris were not even sleeping together. …As Khloe herself grew older, she herself questioned whether Robert was her dad. She even turned the situation into a storyline for the family’s TV show, submitting to DNA testing on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. But interestingly, she compared her DNA only to her mother’s, not Robert’s or her siblings’-which could have proven conclusively that Robert was not her biological father.”

“…’Khloe was babysitting…she got into her mother’s room, and it was a totally separate closet. And she went in there and found a whole wardrobe. Khloe called her dad and she was very upset, crying and screaming about it. And Robert said, “Well, what are you doing in his closet, for God’s sake? Get out of there…Maybe it’s your mother’s. Maybe it’s costumes or something.”  She goes “No, I know what size bra my mother wears. My mother doesn’t wear a size 13 shoe.” And on and on about high heels and nylons. I kept this quiet,’”

“…Khloe totaled a Mercedes six months after Robert gave it to her as a gift…Khloe ‘wanted a new car right away. He said, “No, I have this SUV,” and she said she didn’t want it. She called him cheap, called him names…He tried to give her his new Cherokee, and she said no Kardashian girl should ever drive a Cherokee. She wanted a Range Rover. She didn’t get it. …Robert was diagnosed with stage four cancer of the esophagus ‘Kim called him at his office and told him he was cheap because he wouldn’t buy Khloe a car, I mean, he was dying.’ “

“…’Lindsay feels strongly that she wants to distance herself from the family drama, and the only way to do that is to dump her mom as her manager…It’s typical of Lindsay to blame everyone else for her problems, but in this case she may have a point. She thought movie offers would come flooding in [after her Playboy feature], but nothing has happened. Lindsay has mounting debts, and she’s freaking out. She needs to do something drastic. She truly wants to be a respected actress, and she’s starting to realize that in order for her dreams to come true, she’s going to have to have someone else handle her career.’”

“Skeletal Ali Lohan is a shadow of her former self. But her modeling bosses are telling her to lose even more weight! And big sis Lindsay is ‘horrified.’ Lindsay confessed her worries to Janice Dickinson at L.A’s Chateau Marmont on Dec.31, and Janice is sharing the details of their serious talk with Star exclusively. ‘Lindsay was complaining that her sister is being sent off to Asia by her modeling agent,’ Janice tells Star. ‘She asked my opinion and I said, “If they can’t get Ali some work in this country, what good are they as an American agent!” Even worse, Lindsay then confided, the agent told Ali, 18, she needs to drop even more pounds! ‘Lindsay is horrified,’ Janice says. ‘She doesn’t want Ali going away, but worse still, she doesn’t  want  her  to lose more weight.’ Now the world’s first supermodel – who recently launched the website Janice TV – is lashing out at Next Model Management for exploiting not only Ali but scores of other runway stars. ‘Agents should have their jaws wired together,’ Janice snaps. ‘They pick these young girls and tell them to lose more weight and have plastic surgery.’ And while Ali’s agent insists she’s perfectly healthy, a picture really is worth a thousand words.”

I couldn't zoom in clearly on his devil horns

Why is THIS the promo pic for a comedy series? I don't give a shit about women cooing over a baby. 

I find it interesting the astrologists last name is Angel

The next two editions of Reading Between the Lines will feature January 30's People Magazine and February 6th's In Touch (headlines from In Touch about Kim Kardashian "Destroyed by Mom: Pushed by her mom to have sex at 14, and brainwashed by her obsession with money" plus "How Kris Jenner's secret demons turned Kim into a monster" Ooooh!!! In-ter-esting!

Also! Yes, I know it looks kinda crappy taking pics from magazines with my digital camera. Whatever! I don't have a scanner, and magazines run fitting imagery with their stories. If you don't like it, don't read my page.