Showing posts with label Disneyland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Disneyland. Show all posts

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Reading Between the Lines - In Touch

This was one of the (super old) articles I was working on, but I just want to get it up because it's doubtful I'll ever finish it. It doesn't help Blogger never wants to save or publish it, so we'll see if this works

These are from an old issue-wasn't able to access the internet for a while an finally managed to upload the pics to picasa the other day. It was a time consuming process.
Is Madonna's time up? On the surface, it appears they're discussing if she should stop making music (I personally think "Yes!"), however the phrasing also sounds like they're considering off-ing her. They clarify it by stating "Madonna will perform at the Super Bowl, but at 53, is it time for her to retire?" Again-yes, please-and it has nothing to do with her age, merely the fact that she makes nothing but garbage and has for far too long! But every famous female singer seems to credit her as being an "inspiration", so that will never happen. If she retired, she'd be back in a couple years making more music. Just like every other singer or rapper that's retired since 2000. Retirement is a cash-grab for the famous.

Every magazine seems to feel the need to do this crap. Other than the celebs featured, does anybody actually give a shit who wore what better? To me, this seems another form of Twinning.

Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini and tube sipping on a drink, Claire Danes surrounded by drag queens (to me, the drag queens look fake and not like actual trannies. Real transgendered folk want to blend in-unless they're the Vegas showgirl or RuPaul type-and the majority pass extremely well. The two with Claire look like guys who dressed as women for Halloween) Also, what's with them throwing a teddy bear into the air? Finally, we have Anderson Cooper presenting Drew Barrymore with an apron that says Bride. She stated "Oh God, no! I lack that gene!" seeing as she was newly engaged at the time, we are left to assume she meant cooking. 

Liev Shreiber's little ones with their heads poking above a provocative cut-out, the girl with her hands pulling down her tu-tu-too-short skirt...what ballerina wears garters with her tutu? The male was drawn with lack of proportion, the hands far too long and the fingers on the right hand spread into a sort-of V, while the left hand dangles as if he wants to smack his thigh or crotch. Tori Spelling rides a pink scooter-with what appear to be training wheels on the back of it, her shirt matches, while her husband Dean McDermott looks as though he's coaching her...much the way he would teach their children how to ride a bike. Shenene Grimes (whoever that is) strikes a pose, subtley showing off her red heels. Tina Fey also strikes a pose, with a giant Hulk fist, appearing to punch herself in the head.

Apologies for the flash on the bottom two pictures. As I've said in previous posts, I use my digital camera to take photos and I don't have a scanner. Anyways, most children want to go to Disneyland and would be all smiles while on the rides, however little Suri is only smiling on the teacups. Tom stated "She's my fountain of youth! She's so funny and sweet!" Fountain of Youth, eh? Hmm. 
Disneyland is known to be a breeding ground of evil that claims to be the happiest place on Earth, while in reality it is a place of conditioning. Disney itself is evil. (The Club 33 image was obviously not from In Touch.)
Keeping the MK programming in mind, it's rather telling with Tom wearing black and white stripes, and little Suri wearing not only the mouse ears-but also a bridal veil. In the photo where she's riding the carousel, it appears as though Tom is looking at her crotch through his sunglasses. He may not have been. Regardless, it's weird how Suri's daddy bought her a mouse ear bridal veil.

Nicole Scherzinger-formerly of the Pussycat Dolls-posing with a hand over her lady parts, some Emmy Rossum (I have no idea who she is) acting shocked that the dog is drinking her coffee, lesbian Ellen Degeneres helping Mario Lopez strip and proudly display his man-bulge to promote his Rated M line of underwear.

Matthew Broderick referencing Ferris Bueller for a Honda Super Bowl ad, Paula Deen stuffing her face while the magazine mocks her diabetic diet

Katherine Heigl removing her jacket (with brown and black checkerboard cuffs) in an odd fashion, revealing a red dress with a weird red strap across the chest, and making a subtle Masonic M with her fingers on her hip underneath her clutch. 

In Touch now making fun of celebrities: comparing J.Bieb's' sloppy look to baseball uniforms, Kelly Osbourne's silver dye job, Bjork wearing what looks like a blanket-jacket with no pants, and Whitney Port losing her bikini top in the water.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey arguing over their daughter calling Halle's beau, Olivier Martinez, "pere". In Touch wrote: "'Nahla knows Olivier isn't her dad, but he treats her like his own and she worships him.' an insider tells In Touch. The affectionate nickname comes at a rough time for Gabriel-he and Halle are facing off in court over allegations that he pushed Nahla's nanny."

Rihanna got a tattoo spelling out THUG LIFE across her fingers, Tim Gunn (again, I don't know who that is) claims he hasn't had sex in 29 years and that he's a perfectly happy, fulfilled individual. Kristen Wiig is dating Drew Barrymore's ex, Fabrizio Moretti who is the drummer for The Strokes.

An article about some contestants from The Bachelor. They claim the girl in the racy photos is an insecure attention-whore who needs constant reassurance that she's hot (which is supposedly why she does-or did- some modelling shoots), and that blond Samantha is allegedly a party girl.

For quite some time, magazines speculated that Will and Jada Smith were having marriage problems but that they put on a happy front for both their childrens and publicity's sake. (If they're truly so concerned about their childrens sake, then what is up with THIS? For some reason, no matter how I alter things, links appear as regular text. Please click the "THIS" above)

LeAnn Rimes doesn't want to become pregnant, although Eddie Cibrian supposedly wants to have a baby with her. She is fearful of losing her figure, as Eddie allegedly likes his women rail-thin. It's believable, because around the time she became involved with him, she lost a drastic amount of weight. 

Rihanna drunk, Rihanna high, and discussion on Rihanna's lovesick obsession with her ex, Chris Brown, who beat the crap out of her. 
"Lady Gaga's boyfriend of six months, Taylor Kinney, has told her to check her alter ego at the door when she's with him. 'Gaga started living and breathing her character 24/7 because she felt her fans wanted that.' dishes a source. Too bad Tyler, 30 [the magazine spells his name Taylor first, then Tyler], didn't. While he held his tongue at first, he's now comfortable enough with Gaga, 25, to make it clear that he has no desire to live with a stage act. Luckily for him, the singer promised to be "more human"-after all, she wasn't born that way!" In the photo, she is dressed as a witch swinging over her "Monsters".
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds supposedly arguing over his still-close relationship with his ex-wife.

There have been articles in the past speculating that Shiloh is too much of a tomboy. Photographs and comments from the parents do indicate a very gender-confused child, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did grow up to be the next Chaz Bono. This article is carrying on about Shiloh's haircut.
Drew Barrymore converting to Judaism.
Kristin Cavallari wants to have a baby.














   











Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Reading Between the Lines: National Enquirer July 11 2011

I had started to write this article, when shit hit the fan and I had to abandon this page for a few months. I no longer have this particular magazine from which I began this article, however feel free to enjoy (or criticize) this until I get the next one posted:


I wish I had a better computer, and a scanner, to share the actual articles complete with images. The Enquirer usually has very fitting pictures to go along with their stories. Alas, the best I can do is copy out what they printed.

On Jennifer Aniston and beau Justin Theroux (who looks like a pretty evil dude and is best known for his role in American Psycho):

   "Although the former 'Friends' star thought she might have finally found 'the one', insiders say Justin has suddenly turned into a manipulative control freak who demands to know Jen's every move.
   What's worse, he wants her to give up meat and become a vegetarian!
   And if that wasn't bad enough, Justin's family has been giving Jen the cold shoulder because they're still loyal to Justin's former girlfriend, costume designer Heidi Bivens, whom he dumped for Jen.
'Jen's romance has already hit rough water, and she's desperately hoping they can overcome these new problems,' a longtime friend told The Enquirer. 'Once Justin split from Heidi, he became practically glued to Jen's side. In no time at all, he had moved in and began to monitor her every move with non-stop texts and cell calls. But what's really bugging Jen is Justin's constant nagging about becoming a vegetarian-like he is.'
The 42-year-old actress and Justin, 39, met last fall on the set of the upcoming flick 'Wanderlust'. By May, they were dating.
But Justin's parents have not welcomed Jen with open arms. They considered Heidi a daughter and were heartbroken when Justin left her after 14 years.
'They've refused to meet her or even speak about Jen,' revealed the source. 'Justin's parents think she's heartless for going after a guy in a long-term relationship. Jen's starting to think she got herself in too deep too quickly.'
 -Sarah Cordes

"Random" images of Heidi Klum being pinned down and tickled by her personal trainer. Nick Nolte carrying 8 pool noodles, a man purse, an organizer, and ice cream dripping from his hands to feet. Rod Stewart, 66, giving his 4-month-old son Aiden a pacifier. Verne Troyer/Mini-Me in his scooter at LAX, Avril Lavigne doing push-ups in a purple and black striped bikini, and J.Lo with her twins at Disneyland...she shared a giant lollipop with Emme on the Dumbo ride. All the listed photos were taken between June 22nd to June 26th.

Uh-oh! The rumbling of the rainbow apocalypse can be heard coming from...Broadway??
"Now that gay marriage has finally been legalized in New York, Neil Patrick Harris is planning a glitzy theatrical wedding-on Broadway!
The 'How I Met Your Mother' star, who is engaged to longtime partner David Burtka, wants to bring all his showbiz pals together, including Ellen Degeneres and Jane Lynch, for a 'fabulous' ceremony. The top venue on the list is The Great White Way's Beacon Theatre, where he hosted the Tony Awards in June."
-Jon Boon

Slade Smiley, husband of attractive Gretchen Rossi (Real Housewives), owes $160,711.92 in child support for his 11-year-old son Grayson, who is suffering from a rare brain tumor and requires 24-hour care. Says Grayson's mother, Michelle Arroyo "We've been living with my sister for the past four years. I can't work because of his illness."
 - Patricia Shipp

Without a scratch, eh?
"Terrifying ride for Jessica Biel, who was rocketing down steel tracks strapped into a futuristic taxi/tram on the set of sci-fi flick 'Total Recall' when the vehicle's breaks suddenly malfunctioned! Shooting past a designated stopping point, it crashed full speed into a barrier, tipped over - and flipped over upside down! 'It was a terrifying catastrophe - we were so frightened for Jessica,' recalled one crew member who raced to the vehicle. 'The cart was totally upside down - and there were no sounds from her at all. But a moment later, we breathed a sigh of relief when somebody yelled out to her and we heard her shout back, 'I'm okay!' Crew guys grabbed the small vehicle, wrestled it right side up and were stunned to see Jessica looking totally calm, still strapped into her seat - and assuring everyone she hadn't suffered so much as a scratch. 'It's a miracle she wasn't seriously injured!' says our source. Jessica was escorted to her dressing room to take a breather and change - but absolutely refused when producers urged her to get a doctor's exam. 'I'm fine,' she insisted.
- Mike Walker

"Brit showbiz moguls helping People's Princess Kate Middleton aka Duchess of Cambridge, put together her July tour of Hollywood with wot's-'is-name - oh yeah, Prince William, heir to the throne, blah, blah, blah - asked if there was any TinselTown star she'd especially like to meet? Super-excited Kate's instantaneous answer: Angelina Jolie! The moguls reported back that, sadly, La Jolie had a work schedule conflict -but before Kate could even boo-hoo-hoo, her phone rang and...OHMIGOD!...Hubba Hubba herself was on the line! After conveying her regrets, Jolie quickly suggested they meet in London later this year. Gushed over-the-moon Kate: 'It would be my honor!'
- Mike Walker

"Guess that nasty custody battle's getting to Kelsey Grammer: After exploding at the cast and crew of his new Starz drama series 'Boss', filming in Chicago, he quit joining them for meals! 'Kelsey regularly dined with the cast, crew - even the extras at first,' said my snoopy source, Onda Lottalot. 'But after a heated discussion about socialized medicine at lunch one day, he got really hot under the collar and snapped at everyone: "You don't know what you're talking about! I can't have an intelligent conversation with people who aren't informed." Then he grabbed his lunch and stormed off to his dressing room - where he's been eating alone ever since."
- Mike Walker














image/other sources:
http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/06/27/jennifer-aniston-engaged-justin-theroux-engagement-ring/