Reading Between the Lines: National Enquirer July 11 2011

I had started to write this article, when shit hit the fan and I had to abandon this page for a few months. I no longer have this particular magazine from which I began this article, however feel free to enjoy (or criticize) this until I get the next one posted:


I wish I had a better computer, and a scanner, to share the actual articles complete with images. The Enquirer usually has very fitting pictures to go along with their stories. Alas, the best I can do is copy out what they printed.

On Jennifer Aniston and beau Justin Theroux (who looks like a pretty evil dude and is best known for his role in American Psycho):

   "Although the former 'Friends' star thought she might have finally found 'the one', insiders say Justin has suddenly turned into a manipulative control freak who demands to know Jen's every move.

   What's worse, he wants her to give up meat and become a vegetarian!

   And if that wasn't bad enough, Justin's family has been giving Jen the cold shoulder because they're still loyal to Justin's former girlfriend, costume designer Heidi Bivens, whom he dumped for Jen.

'Jen's romance has already hit rough water, and she's desperately hoping they can overcome these new problems,' a longtime friend told The Enquirer. 'Once Justin split from Heidi, he became practically glued to Jen's side. In no time at all, he had moved in and began to monitor her every move with non-stop texts and cell calls. But what's really bugging Jen is Justin's constant nagging about becoming a vegetarian-like he is.'

The 42-year-old actress and Justin, 39, met last fall on the set of the upcoming flick 'Wanderlust'. By May, they were dating.

But Justin's parents have not welcomed Jen with open arms. They considered Heidi a daughter and were heartbroken when Justin left her after 14 years.

'They've refused to meet her or even speak about Jen,' revealed the source. 'Justin's parents think she's heartless for going after a guy in a long-term relationship. Jen's starting to think she got herself in too deep too quickly.'

 -Sarah Cordes

"Random" images of Heidi Klum being pinned down and tickled by her personal trainer. Nick Nolte carrying 8 pool noodles, a man purse, an organizer, and ice cream dripping from his hands to feet. Rod Stewart, 66, giving his 4-month-old son Aiden a pacifier. Verne Troyer/Mini-Me in his scooter at LAX, Avril Lavigne doing push-ups in a purple and black striped bikini, and J.Lo with her twins at Disneyland...she shared a giant lollipop with Emme on the Dumbo ride. All the listed photos were taken between June 22nd to June 26th.

Uh-oh! The rumbling of the rainbow apocalypse can be heard coming from...Broadway??

"Now that gay marriage has finally been legalized in New York, Neil Patrick Harris is planning a glitzy theatrical wedding-on Broadway!

The 'How I Met Your Mother' star, who is engaged to longtime partner David Burtka, wants to bring all his showbiz pals together, including Ellen Degeneres and Jane Lynch, for a 'fabulous' ceremony. The top venue on the list is The Great White Way's Beacon Theatre, where he hosted the Tony Awards in June."

-Jon Boon

Slade Smiley, husband of attractive Gretchen Rossi (Real Housewives), owes $160,711.92 in child support for his 11-year-old son Grayson, who is suffering from a rare brain tumor and requires 24-hour care. Says Grayson's mother, Michelle Arroyo "We've been living with my sister for the past four years. I can't work because of his illness."

 - Patricia Shipp

Without a scratch, eh?

"Terrifying ride for Jessica Biel, who was rocketing down steel tracks strapped into a futuristic taxi/tram on the set of sci-fi flick 'Total Recall' when the vehicle's breaks suddenly malfunctioned! Shooting past a designated stopping point, it crashed full speed into a barrier, tipped over - and flipped over upside down! 'It was a terrifying catastrophe - we were so frightened for Jessica,' recalled one crew member who raced to the vehicle. 'The cart was totally upside down - and there were no sounds from her at all. But a moment later, we breathed a sigh of relief when somebody yelled out to her and we heard her shout back, 'I'm okay!' Crew guys grabbed the small vehicle, wrestled it right side up and were stunned to see Jessica looking totally calm, still strapped into her seat - and assuring everyone she hadn't suffered so much as a scratch. 'It's a miracle she wasn't seriously injured!' says our source. Jessica was escorted to her dressing room to take a breather and change - but absolutely refused when producers urged her to get a doctor's exam. 'I'm fine,' she insisted.

- Mike Walker

"Brit showbiz moguls helping People's Princess Kate Middleton aka Duchess of Cambridge, put together her July tour of Hollywood with wot's-'is-name - oh yeah, Prince William, heir to the throne, blah, blah, blah - asked if there was any TinselTown star she'd especially like to meet? Super-excited Kate's instantaneous answer: Angelina Jolie! The moguls reported back that, sadly, La Jolie had a work schedule conflict -but before Kate could even boo-hoo-hoo, her phone rang and...OHMIGOD!...Hubba Hubba herself was on the line! After conveying her regrets, Jolie quickly suggested they meet in London later this year. Gushed over-the-moon Kate: 'It would be my honor!'

- Mike Walker

"Guess that nasty custody battle's getting to Kelsey Grammer: After exploding at the cast and crew of his new Starz drama series 'Boss', filming in Chicago, he quit joining them for meals! 'Kelsey regularly dined with the cast, crew - even the extras at first,' said my snoopy source, Onda Lottalot. 'But after a heated discussion about socialized medicine at lunch one day, he got really hot under the collar and snapped at everyone: "You don't know what you're talking about! I can't have an intelligent conversation with people who aren't informed." Then he grabbed his lunch and stormed off to his dressing room - where he's been eating alone ever since."

- Mike Walker

image/other sources:
http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/06/27/jennifer-aniston-engaged-justin-theroux-engagement-ring/